


Diggory's Morrisons Quest!!!! (tesco fic interlude)

by basilliketheherb



Series: The Shopping Saga [2]
Category: Hello From The Hallowoods (Podcast)
Genre: Grocery Shopping, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Nail Polish, Other, Shopping, Supermarkets, crackfic, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29656671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basilliketheherb/pseuds/basilliketheherb
Summary: Diggory wants fluids but the Mini Fridge is empty (there isnt even oils which are their favourite fluids for their many throats) so they must embark on a journey to morrisons to procure this golden nectarbut WAIT!!!the fish man return!!!will d get their liquids!!!
Relationships: Diggory Graves/Percy Reed
Series: The Shopping Saga [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179263
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. An Apology Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [approximately6bees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/approximately6bees/gifts), [the hfth discord server](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+hfth+discord+server).



> ye saga continues.  
> I am sorry for all of this.

Dear William, Michael, Rayne, Jonathan and the rest of the members of the hello from the hallowoods discord server,

Please allow me to apologize for what I wrote on the thirtieth of January, 2021. My behavior was extremely inappropriate, immature, and lacked the respect you deserved. It was a disruption and a bastardization of the podcast.

It was embarrassing, but I learned that nobody appreciated my poor behavior. In the future, I have every intention of curbing my thoughtless actions and learn to adjust my behavior befitting the environment and situation. 

Again, I am sorry for my actions and I hope that we can put this matter behind us. If you have any thoughts in this, please feel free to share. You may contact me at your convenience.

Sincerely,  
Basil (Like the herb.)


	2. THE OILY QUEST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what you all came here for

Diggory thirst and need. a drink.  
so duck duck goose climbed out of the Dunelm White 84x121x42cm Lynton White 7 drawer chest which had different parts of them in the little drawers so they had to stick themself back together like a Lego set but it was okay because dig dug was good at makeing the little brick mans and cars and building. And also meats.

Dolly parton was a big fan of meats. especially the green kind.

destruction liked doing mine craft more though because they could fight Nickelback in sky wars. even though they couldn't win because Nicky Nick was omniscient and cheated on the game.

and you can't fight in Legos.

after doodle got back together they made their way to the Mini Fridge. it was so cool that it required capitalization.

but GASP

the Mini Fridge was empty!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!

so doggy closed the awesome Mini Fridge door hard because they were a bit upset because there were no fluids not even dodododo's favourite fluid oil and that was sad and the door said   
"why are you do that"  
"what."  
"why are you being rude to me"  
"are you percy Jackson"  
"yes."  
"im sorry pickle i am just upset because there is no fluids in our Mini Fridge and there is no olive oil which you know is my favourite fluid after pure radiation but pure radiation is too expensive to get"  
"oh are you go to Morrisons dingleberry?"  
"after our hourly macarena."  
"we don't have to do it anymore though because we are am dead."  
"oh bye then I'm going to montreal do you want anything"  
"no, thank you though, Douglas"

djungelskog gave the Mini Fridge which was also perfume a little kiss on the door and then starred to walk to Morrisons at 200km but because they all lived in ocean it was actually not that big because they had to walk in the ocean and acororse the water ewznaznfkjnlfjaedjd yes.

And when they got to the hallowoods morrisons because everywherre had a morrisons. Complete with bottomless pits and mike who was not the large one but the big micael was alos there because it sold books like jksghdjkhsghsakdgj which was a real book!

They stopped walking as fast so they could take in the scenery that included naked nick who was not naked actualy and was wearing a cool pog suit and green and rust coloured nails on a bracelet on their MASSIVE MEAT HANDS WITH COOL CLAWS ON IT AND NAIL POLISH WITH LITTLE BEETLES ON IT who was fighting a stinky fish man!!! Stbiky stibky fish!!! Smell bad!!! Simon cowl stinkye!!! 

But doulgas grape was not here to watch the EPIC BATTLE.

They were there to get fluids.

Diuofjlknbwklnflfjklnm went into the doors and went  
“wow this place is big” because it was a big morrisons.  
or maybe dilf was small.  
or both.  
But this did not stop diglett because they were on a quest to get FLUIDS for their throats which they might have multiple of because lets be real here diggory is made up of so many corpses that anything is possible at this point having a weird monster with like 17 throats or some shit be part of them is mundane in comparison to all the other possibilities.

Duggory started walking in the MASSIVE FUCKING MORRISONS so that they could find the drinking aisle and also the aisles with all of the oil because they planned to get every single oil in morrisons even coconut oil because Diggle fee Greens liked to drink the oils and didnt want to run out of the delicious oil again.

They zoomed to the oils aisle like vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrvrvrvrvvrvrvrvrvvrvrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmrvrvvrvrvrmmm and probably destroyed thousands of pounds worth of flooring as they did so but it was okay because it was all done in pursuit of OIL.

also in pursuit of other fluids too because doctor who needed variety sometimes.

BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
Just as dipper groove reached for the liquid that their quest had been in pursuit of, they heard a quiet plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap, which slowly became a louder plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap, until a fishy little stinky hand reached for the oils!!

Dirt had heard from Nikignikuthulu about the stinky stbiky fish man who tried to steal his choccy milk only a few days prior.

"this is MY BotCo's Finest Olive Oil™!" ddddddddddd shouted, dry unoiled throats hurting, aching for their prize.  
"i need fluids" the stinky fish man yelled back, clutching his trusty recorder for playing into. Ears. With a greasy fin that was not greasy in the good way.  
"go get your own, piss boy!!! You aren't even a good dad!!!"  
Socks I meant sorry   
wait no. Shilo Wallace.  
SOLOMOTONE started crying. He deserved it because he was a horrible little stbiky stbiky stbiky man. Dimitri took the empty bottle that they always carried on them just in case and filled it with the interns tears. because how cool is that filling a bottle with the years of someone you hate and drinking it.

To get Maximum Slippage, Dragon said  
"your music is bad too"   
Salt continued crying and played the recorder into the. Air. while crying because he couldn't reach dirt 2 electric boogaloo's. Ear. And also because Dictator was being rude and mean to him even though he deserved it.

Singing Lessons saw that Diggy Diggy Hole was not reacting to the recorder and got sad and started to run away like plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap   
BUT THEN  
because the recorder had made some of the oil got on the floor  
He slip!!!!!!! and fall!!!   
so it was more like plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap SLIP THUD BONK.

but sadly the fall did not remove Simp's living privileges. It just gave him a little hurt injury and so Soy Sauce continued running, fishy tears which were extra salty because he was FISH AND SALT AND CRY AND DHHGIDKSFSFU YES THAT IS A THING NOW streaming down his fish face.

With the fish (Slut) gone Determination could procure the oils with relative ease. They did not think they would run out of fluids for quite some time, and even if the oil expired it would be fine because Diggory did not need things to be fresh and could still oil their throats.

Diggory got all of the oil except 1 bottle of each just in case anyone who also wanded to oil their throats with BotCo's Finest Oils™ (lady Ethel Mallory approved!) stopped by (though they were careful to write No Inter mentalists allow!! On all the contain) at Morrisons (even though Nick nack paddy whack give a dog a bone was a tesco enjoyer, MORTUARY might tire of cheeses and seek something else to oil his little metal joints and ask polyamorous "Polymer clay can I have some oil" and Dog didn't want to withhold Mould delicious oils. Mr friendly may also want oil to cook his dinner in so that it didn't scream and move)

they then pushed their shopping cart to the aisles (or isles idk there could be islands too) that had fluids and getter them but left some because some residents of the hollow woods liked to consume fluids like picrew and oh man and yard work.

then as Dixie Gr'amelio made their way to check out they spotted the fab lab glitter polish  
It beckoned them like a moth and a lamp or something except there was no risk of death probably but Dick wanted the nail polish. and doc MC stuffins put it in the cart in the little baby seat thing.  
the cashier who had a little name tag saying Polly said   
"what the fuck." And told Allegory that all of the fluids and the fab lab glitter polish would cost 1 thousand pounds.

But it was okay because Diggory had stolen Sickening's money and bought the fluids. Which took a bit longer because everyone had to do the hourly macarena (which bottle cope had told everyone to do) that Dipping Sauce didn't need to do because they were Frank Creature. But they got some heart sunglasses so that lady Ethel Mallory did not get angry.

Diggory zoomed out and caught a glimpse of Massive Microwave walking bigly on the road that was medium.

they wented home and saw that pickpocket was no longer possessing the Mini Fridge which was good. Digital put all of their fluids in the Mini Fridge(see I told you it was cool and important I think anyway if I didn't here's me telling you it's cool and important) and said  
"Pastel, I'm back with fluids."  
and gave Pasper (the friendly ghost) a kiss because they are gay people and then also said  
"I have fab lab glitter nail polish do you want to paint each others nails."  
"I'm a ghost."  
"oh."  
"i can paint yours though!" passport said.  
And Door said yes.


End file.
